Call Me Mika
by Ya-Ya Sestrahood
Summary: MK feels safer alone.


MK had gotten used to life in the trailer. It was what passed for _home_ these days. She had enough room for what she needed. But with two people here, it suddenly felt claustrophobic.

"Okay, I'll follow up on it," Beth said. She paced slowly back and forth, the span of only a couple of feet.

"Remember to stay cautious," MK reminded her.

"I know. I'm doing what I can."

 _Lie._ Beth had insisted on meeting in person. There was a safe way to handle this, and this wasn't it. Two clones in one space made them an even bigger target. Why had MK agreed to this? It was careless. And besides, talking to Beth through a screen… it was just easier.

"Anyway," Beth said. She reached down and grabbed her coat from the couch. MK felt a pang of something in her stomach, then it was gone. "Your information's been good. _Really_ good. I feel like we're actually starting to get to the bottom of this thing. So, thank you, MK."

MK's eyes shot to a corner of the room. She gave a small nod. She saw the white of her sheep mask on the shelf and desperately wanted to put it on. Beth would probably laugh at her.

It had been quiet for too long now, she realized. _Seven seconds. Eight._ Was she meant to say something? Carefully, her eyes drifted back to Beth, but she was staring at a spot on the wall. _Thinking? Judging?_ MK suddenly felt aware of the mess she'd left around the room, of every broken hard drive and every loose food wrapper.

"Hey," Beth said after eleven seconds. MK could already hear the next words in her head. _What kind of a freak lives like this?_

"I was thinking," she said instead. "The name 'MK'. Kinda feels like I'm talking to a robot or something, you know?"

MK frowned, failing to understand the problem. What was wrong with the name? It was her name now.

"Can I call you something else?" Beth asked. "MK… MK…" she repeated, playing with the sound on her lips. "Mika?" she eventually said, unsure.

 _Mika? Mika. Mika? Why?_ Why was Beth doing this? _Why?_

"Why?" she asked out loud. She heard the fear in her voice, found she was scared of the answer.

Beth smiled warmly. MK was grateful she didn't laugh.

"Because we're friends, aren't we?" she asked, like it was obvious. Like she was stupid for asking.

MK felt the room swim around her. Thoughts cut in and out of her head at blinding speed, none stayed long enough to take form.

 _Why does she think-_

 _Elizabeth Childs, born April-_

 _Stupid stupid stupid-_

 _Niki, I miss-_

MK blinked. Held her eyes shut. _One. Two. Three._ Opened them. She was sitting on the floor somewhere, surrounded by darkness. She whipped her head around and found a sliver of light peeking in from behind her. She'd locked herself in the bathroom, she remembered.

"MK, you alright?" Beth asked from the other end of the door. She could see a glimpse of her shadow breaking the light.

"I'm sorry. You should go," MK said, voice quivering. "Sorry."

She heard shuffling, saw the shadow move, then disappear. She felt a small sense of relief, but also some larger, more unpleasant feeling in her chest. Her hand moved to the light under the door. Her face stung hot. A small tear fell into her lap.

"Here," she heard Beth say.

MK's quickly pulled her hand back. She wiped her face furiously, afraid she'd somehow be found out. She felt pressure against the door on her back and heard something slide to the floor. _Beth._

"Will this help?" she asked. A pair of rubber bands slid in from under the door. MK instinctively slipped her fingers into them. She pulled the bands taut, then released. _Stretch. Release._ She felt the storm in her mind clearing. She knew she would normally feel embarrassed and ashamed that Beth remembered about the rubber bands. For some reason, she didn't mind. Her hand found its way back to the light under the door. It was quiet for a while. She felt that Beth knew she needed it, the quiet.

"Thank you," MK said softly, trying and failing to hide the tears in her voice.

"I hide myself away from everyone in my life," Beth said, the silence now broken. MK raised her head, listening intently.

"I keep things from my partner. I keep things from Alison, from Cosima. My boyfriend…" She paused, took a shaky breath. "My boyfriend and I, it's like everything we say to each other is a lie. No one really knows me. No one sees me. Most days, I feel like I can't even see myself."

Her voice had turned flat. Hollow. MK knew she should say something, and she hated herself for coming up with nothing.

"I don't have to hide from you," Beth said after a long pause. "You're the only real friend I have, MK."

MK felt something from under the door. Beth's fingertips brushing against hers. She felt a familiar warmth in her chest, a feeling she'd almost completely forgotten. And she felt fear, because she knew the pain that was left behind after the warmth had gone. It would be stupid to invite that into her life again.

It would be stupid.

 _It would be stupid._

"Call me Mika," she whispered.


End file.
